What is this?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and

crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train

stations on my lunch breaks, making them more

efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate

ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning

operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I

tread water for three days in a row.



I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone

playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with

unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in

twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in

love, and an outlaw in Peru.



Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once

single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon

Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play

bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the

subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I

build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy

urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I

repair electrical appliances free of charge.



I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a

ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my

original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't

perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan

mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the

weekend passes. Last summer, I toured New Jersey with

a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat

.400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame

in international botany circles. Children trust me.



I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with

deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick,

and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to

refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know

the exact location of every food item in the

supermarket. I have performed several covert

operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do

sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in

Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of

terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of

physics do not apply to me.



I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills

are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I

participate in full-contact origami. Years ago, I

discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it

down. I have made extraordinary four course meals

using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed

prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan,

cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling

bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have

performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with

Elvis.



But I have not yet gone to college.

What is this?
That was very, very good. You could very well become a very good fictional writer; so why are you on here???

Get going and put your God-given talent to good use!
Reply:I think I'm in love.